I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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