I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
