Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
