my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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