either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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