Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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