the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
