1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
