i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
