remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
