I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
