Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
