what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
