but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's shark week go big or go home
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
