Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
