highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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