can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
