Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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