Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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