those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
