well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
