look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
