"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
