Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
