You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
ok first of all what the fuck
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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