Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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