So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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