i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
