I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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