and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
