I hate your face
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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