I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He passed out mid-signature
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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