I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
