oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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