someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
NoShamevember. You game?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
