you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
