i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
