how hairy? two words: wookie tits
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
