he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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