so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
ugly people sure do ruin things
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
