Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
