i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
