so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
