I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
