He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
