So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
