it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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