I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I want to fling myself into the sun
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
