so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
