Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
