Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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