You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
