I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
