The maid of honor just puked.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
