even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
